Have you ever wished you could know what someone was really thinking? It might seem impossible, but by understanding body language, you can get a better idea of how people process information and what they might be feeling. People think in different ways, and their bodies give clues about their thinking style. Once you understand how to spot these clues, you can communicate with anyone more effectively.
The Three Thinking Styles
People mainly process information in one of three ways:
- Looking: Thinking in pictures and images.
- Listening: Thinking in words and sounds.
- Touching: Thinking in feelings and tactile sensations.
Most people use a mix of these styles, but one style usually dominates.
The Looker: Visual Thinkers
Lookers make up about 75% of the population. They think in pictures and images. Here’s how to spot a looker:
- They stand tall with good posture.
- They dress well.
- They hold stress in their shoulders.
- They have wrinkles in their forehead from looking up.
- They often have thin lips.
- They give a lot of eye contact.
How to Connect with Lookers
To connect with lookers, do these two things:
- Give them lots of eye contact. They think you are not paying attention if you don’t look at them.
- Use visual language. Say things like “I see what you mean,” or “Look at this.”
The Listener: Auditory Thinkers
Listeners make up about 20% of the population. They think in words and sounds. Here’s how to spot a listener:
- They don’t focus as much on appearance.
- They tend to look down and to the left.
- They often put their head in their hand (“telephone posture”).
- They might mumble to themselves.
- They might click pens or tap their fingers.
How to Connect with Listeners
To connect with listeners, do these two things:
- Don’t give too much eye contact. It makes them uncomfortable. Look at them, then look away.
- Use auditory language. Say things like “That sounds good to me,” or “Let’s talk this over.”
The Toucher: Kinesthetic Thinkers
Touchers make up about 5% of the population. They think in feelings and tactile sensations. Here’s how to spot a toucher:
- They may be ready to hug you, even if they just met you.
- They dress for comfort.
- They often have full lips.
- They tend to lean in.
- They might touch your arm when talking.
- They often look down.
How to Connect with Touchers
To connect with touchers, do these two things:
- Allow them to touch you if you feel comfortable. If not, offer your hand as a point of contact.
- Use language about feelings and touch. Say things like “I want to hear how you’re feeling about this,” or “Let’s get in touch.”
Discover Your Own Thinking Style
Want to know your own thinking style? Close your eyes and remember an important memory. Pay attention to how you remember it:
- Like a movie (looker)?
- By hearing what people said (listener)?
- By how you felt (toucher)?
Your dominant style is likely the way you naturally remember things.
The Power of Connection
Understanding these different thinking styles can help you connect with anyone. By paying attention to body language and using the right language, you can build better relationships and communicate more effectively. You don’t have to change who you are; simply adjust your communication to match the other person’s style.
Use Their Words
You can even figure out someone’s thinking style through email or on the phone!
- Lookers use visual language.
- Listeners use auditory language.
- Touchers use language about feelings.
Read your old emails, and see the language you use. It will likely match your thinking style.
Start Reading Minds
Now you have the tools to read minds through body language. Practice with the people you know, and you’ll become a more persuasive and understanding person.
(Source)
